Blue April. . .
April 3, 2013 at 9:20pm
At the very time when the
world is awakening into April, and I should be rejoicing. . . .my heart feels
wintery and cold.
That dark week of April 5,1999 looms, in spite of the
passage of time The events of that week have receded into the
corners of my memory, but when April comes...beautiful April, when life
begins anew... my joy is clouded and sad.
I watched my love fade
away. I held his hand, and kissed him for the last time. .. .the very last
time, and I still can't believe he is gone.
I have survived the long
process of grief, and come away scarred but whole, It is true, the
worst of the images do fade and there comes a fragile acceptance.
With the help of the children who remember the good times, we drag the
memories out into the light. We learn to look back and remember how
to laugh again. We, in our house, have many pictures of his
face, of him when he was robust and crackling with life. We talk of him,
we talk to him. He dances with me to my music.
This year I spent the
weeks preceding Easter recovering from a pulmonary embolism, and there were
many trips to doctors, and days when I very much felt my 90 years.
I wanted to
celebrate the season so I poured over my music CD's to find appropriate
music . All of my life I have participated in the choirs of
the churches I have attended, and the highlights of my school years were the
hours I spent singing in chorus', glee clubs and choirs.
My earliest
childhood memories include singing the old hymns at the old country Baptist
church my family attended. The doctrines were rigid, but the music soared.
I find that I still remember all the verses to those beautiful old songs,
and oddly the words were the sermons that helped to form my beliefs.
My family was a singing family. We harmonized in the car, and my
sister and I sung duets over the dishpan.
.
I have in my
collection The Vocal Majority - a fabulous Men's Barbershop Chorus.
Among their repertoire is a beautiful rendition of THE HOLY CITY, one of
my favorites, along with BENEATH THE CROSS OF JESUS, and IT IS WELL
WITH MY SOUL,
Listening to the rich harmonies of this chorus touches the
places where my deepest feelings lie- seemingly trapped there. Music
releases all that pent up emotion. I am always amazed at how that
happens!
I found a varied collection of hymns sung by high end choirs,
country singers, and my old favorites, John Denver and Neil Diamond.
And so I celebrated
Easter, and wept again for my lost love.
I recalled how it felt to sing
again with great choirs and choruses
MUSIC ! It helps me to grieve, and it restores the joy.
Betty L. Owen, Journals 2013
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CommentShare
Betty L. Owen This is a beautiful old church
in downtown Reno, along the Riverwalk.
April 3, 2013 at
9:29pm · Like
Jill Sanderson Millsap
Beautiful words, Aunt Betty. Thank you for sharing. Love you!
April 4, 2013 at
6:59am · Like · 1
Betty L. Owen If you want to read my
collection of notes in deathless prose, Facebook has them all listed. Just
click!
May 13, 2013 at 7:22pm · Like
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